January 1921.

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

Carlisle and Edward are walking to the hospital. The second semester is starting for Edward and Carlisle will be in surgery most of the day. A new procedure, and challenging - Carlisle has been attempting to minimize his near-obsessive concentration on it for at least a week.

With only minimal amounts of success.

"...and with any luck, I'll be closing by four."

Comments

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

"Hmh. Efficiency."

Carlisle turns his head to the sound of Edward's voice. "The surgery. If he fails because of me -- "

[iwouldfollowyou]

"Fuck the stupid surgery."

So much for that whole stability thing. The words, more of a dark blur, are as far from kind as the explosion of Carlisle turning his concern toward something had seemed antithesis to this situation when they connected in Edward's head.

Sharply derisive and dismissive. The patient, the doctor and he didn't care. About any of that. Anything anywhere outside of these ten feet of space between them.

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

Carlisle bellows back, "Edward! Don't - don't you ever - Good God, Edward, right now that was my last act as a doctor and I have a right to care about it!"

Saying out loud seems to knock the wind from Carlisle's lungs.

[iwouldfollowyou]

He can't take it back. He won't. Doesn't regret--

And then he feels it when the center of Carlisle lurches hard as though the floor, no the very core and center, has given way even more than it had with the blackness.

Even his anger rolls under the impact of that threat.

"Don't." It's almost tremulous, before he is at Carlisle's very side again, as though trying to unripple water. "Don't think that, or say it. It's not. We'll find a way to put this right. I promise."

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

You can't promise that.

[iwouldfollowyou]

"I can." Fervent. "I already have." Softer.

It's semantics in the roar of his head; a free fall of blackness and confusion and fear cycling between them. His hands touch lightly on Carlisle, pulling him into Edward. Desperation and passion and devotion in one.

"I'll find a way to fix this. I don't care how long or what it takes." He laid his cheek against Carlisle's, quietest but unwavering. "I promise."

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

Carlisle wants to believe him. But he's shaking his head already. He has to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, right? Isn't that what he always tells (told) his (former) patients?

[iwouldfollowyou]

"Stop." His hands tightened over the lab coat, the unchanged clothing, nothing altered in hours. It takes every inch of his will not to say please.

Then his hands had Carlisle's face, turning it directly to him, regardless of the inability to see. "Don't begin giving up anything right now."

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

Edward's hands calm Carlisle down some and his shoulders drop.

"I can't even read."

[iwouldfollowyou]

Edward leaned his forehead against Carlisle's.

"Lucky that you like my voice then."



He can't even imagine a world without books.

But it would be a better than the world with Carlisle blind.

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

You can't stay all the time. You still have class.

Carlisle tilts his chin upward to kiss Edward, light and he doesn't linger.

He can't even see Edward. How cruel.

[iwouldfollowyou]

"I can remain weak willed and nauseous for days. No one would be surprised at my lack of fortitude."

Before there can be a response to that, to his voice mingling attempt and comment, Edward kissed Carlisle again. Light, but for the necessity of the touch again.

Punctuations on blankness and blackness, on Carlisle's commentary continuing to play through his mind. "There is nothing else in my world."

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

[iwouldfollowyou]

It takes a good full second.




"Cultivate a better ear for good classical music."

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

"Damnable boy."

It's...the calmest he's sounded since before surgery.

[iwouldfollowyou]

Edward kissed Carlisle's forehead, and didn't pull his lips away from Carlisle's skin when he spoke that time. He can't say it louder. He isn't the one with these words.

But he needs it, and them.



"Have faith."

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

he's so good for me

"I will."

It's shaky, but not going anywhere.

[iwouldfollowyou]

Nor is Edward, yet.

He'll just settle the moment for no words, for letting his hands slip from Carlisle's face and pulling him tightly into his arms. He'll make this better. He will. Somehow. Whatever it took.

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

I should've fucked you this morning.

It'd be petulant and funny-sounding in a different situation.

[iwouldfollowyou]

Edward chuckled, if the sound could be called that. It did its best not to be tinged toward a choking sound.

"I'll put that on the priority list."

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

"It's just - "

I'm already so different. I didn't need this too. Beyond how all of this should be impossible, I didn't need this too.

[iwouldfollowyou]

"The hospital will understand." He says the words, knowing they aren't what was addressed. Nothing is close enough, solvent to the ache and the trespass.

"You might make someone faint once they leap to the conclusion you might take your first whole week off since starting."

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

"Or they may figure we have both tired of them all and run off together."

Carlisle's hand tightens around Edward's wrist. Stability.

"Just stay here. For a little bit."

[iwouldfollowyou]

Edward drew back, not from Carlisle's grasp so much as pulling them both backwards. He looked behind him, acutely aware of needing to see what he would have taken for granted in Carlisle's vision.

But it got them to the living room couch.

"They'll never believe you've run off on them. They know how devoted you are to the patients and the programs. Me, on the other hand," it's at least force-ably toward humor.

[teachyouwhoiam.livejournal.com]

"I couldn't leave now even if I wanted to," Carlisle replies, missing the point entirely. "I don't even know how I'll hunt."